Life's tumbles

Dear jumjum...

My role in the football team is head cheerleader, and I am responsible for yelling encouragement from the bench to my teammates on the field. Occasionally, like in the last 5 minutes today, I get subbed in when a teammate is injured. We were confident that we could win the match this morning, but it was already the second half and we were still getting our asses handed to us. I don't know if it stemmed from the frustration that it was not a good day for most of my teammates, or my general frustration at life and its disappointments, but I was more aggressive than usual on the field. It was the first time that I managed to focus all my attention on the game, and I was so intent on getting the ball that I fell twice without knowing how I ended up on the ground, and on both occasions I picked myself right back up and charged straight for the ball. The second fall was more dramatic, and I remember a half-flip of some sort before grazing my right knee on the turf. Somehow, it was intensely satisfying to fall. Somewhere in my weirdo mind, it felt like the falls were the manifestation of the rejections that life threw at me. The people around me have been telling me that my recent setbacks aren't that bad and I should not take it so seriously; but that's not how I feel. To me, it IS a big deal. And tumbling in that field today was satisfying because it was as if Life finally came up to me, spat in my face and admitted that yes, the recent events suck indeed, and they hurt. 

I am allowed to cry and feel disappointed, but before the game ends, I better peel myself off the ground and continue running. 

*atm*