Starbucks update

Dear jumjum,

Thoughts of blogging have ebbed and flowed increasingly over the past few months. Partly contributing is that like countless others, the pandemic has shifted my focus and perspective on what I value and want in life. In particular, my two month extended break at home ('what if I never left?') and the impending end of my formal studies ('to leave or not to leave academia?') has left open-ended tabs in my mind. 

Four years ago when I decided to do my MPhil degree, I also gave myself an out: 'I'm just trying this research thing out and I can do something else after 2 years if it doesn't suit me.' At the end of 2 years, I  felt like it wasn't enough trial time and I continued on to my PhD still feeling like an imposter. It feels like a joke that in my final year, I still haven't decided if this is for me. At a labmate's first MPhil lab meeting presentation last week, I envied that she was at the starting point and I wanted a do-over and that "clean slate" to maximise my productivity. I've come to the realisation that in the past four years, I wasted so much time and energy on worrying if I'm on the right path. I am also painfully aware that this worrying and time-wasting is ongoing.

I don't really know where I'm going with this post. I'm sitting here in Starbucks on a Sunday, catching up on papers while flipping through the open tabs of my mind. I shared my worries chatting with Cat and on a call with my mum, after which I just felt overwhelmed with gratitude. Yes, I'm graduating in less than a year and I don't know where I'll go. Yes, I have four projects that seem impossible to finish in that time. But all I am at this moment is grateful for the support of family and friends, a great supervisor and exciting projects. There are inifinite possibilities to the paths I take, but right now I'm happy that I'm happy with this one.

*atm*

Quarantine in Hilton Kuching (Part I)

Dear jumjum...

When we arrived at the Hilton hotel we were ushered into a room to fill out forms, and the whole setting was very classroom-sy. I think most of us were actually students but even the mid-40s guys started calling the person in charge "Cikgu! (teacher!)" for help on the form, "Cikgu" went along with our antics and it was hilarious. After some processing time, we were finally given keys and told to go up to our rooms.

Last steps of freedom.

I have just completed Day 4 out of 14, so far so good! I think it helps a lot that I have ample space and I can see people going about their day outside my huge windows- it makes me feel less of a prisoner. I'm also trying to stick to a schedule and I have a list of tasks to keep me busy each day on top of work. Saying the rosary and meditating immediately after waking up are habits that I developed since the beginning of the year, the latter especially to cope with feeling overwhelmed and stressed. I'm finally trying out yoga using the spare towel laid out on the carpeted floor.

Task tracking on Notion

The one thing I brought to brighten up my room- fairy lights!

The food here is basic but very Malaysian, which I definitely miss. Here is a photo dump from the past 3 days!

Day 2

                                

Day 3

  

Day 4

 

I have been absolutely spoiled these few days! My parents have been sending me daily care packages and even parked across the road to wave at me through the windows. Quarantining in your hometown has got to be the best thing because you can look forward to packages from your family! One thing I wish I had in this room is a mini fridge, because mum likes to send me tons of cut fruit in one go and when I can't finish it, I crank up the A/C to keep my fruits cold, then hide under the covers!

                              

Cream puffs from my cousin Meg

Homemade taro buns from my Aunt Molly

*atm*

Returning and Quarantining in Kuching

 Dear jumjum,

I had been pining to go home all year and especially after I was vaccinated, and fortunately I had worked out a time where I didn't have much experiments to do, but a bunch of analyses that could be done remotely. After getting my PhD supervisor's approval came the real challenge- working out the logistics of getting home. Policies changing and limited flights were challenging, but coordinating everything- 72 hours prior, X and Y tests, entry applications, transit and connecting flight matching with quarantine hotel availability made it a complete nightmare. I struggled with whether or not it was even worth it- the costs and the risk of spreading variants around, but Pik Ai told me to 'think about the decision I would regret not taking' and that helped settle things for me. 

I put off packing until the very last moment because I was preparing myself should any cogs in my balik kampung wheel fail. Sure enough, there was a dramatic rejection for entry and frantic calls to the department hours before my flight. 

Hong Kong International Airport

I was initially going to transit in Kuala Lumpur but had to rebook my flight once they said that I would need to quarantine there too. I ended up flying through Singapore, which was an interesting experience. Transit passengers were escorted (in single file, bookended with personnels) to a designated holding area which was quite comfortable but reminded my of camp- bodies sleeping on various surfaces. They had a food delivery service, vending machines and charging ports. Still, I found it quite hard to sleep as the lights were super bright, cold, and every few hours the staff would come in shouting to get passengers to their connecting flights. It all seemed very well organised but it reminded me of kindergarten when we were made to 'line up', reminded to 'get all your belongings', and 'go to the bathroom before we leave'.

It was good to finally reach Kuching! The pace, the people and the place just make me so happy, but at the same time I feel quite anxious with being covid-careful. The cases in HK have been incredibly low compared to Kuching, and the meticulous person in me can't keep up with all the things I think I should clean. But we get ahead of ourselves. The 14 day quarantine in Kuching is free for Sarawakians, but we don't know which hotel we would be at until we physically arrive there in the bus. I am a fussy person with weird things I can't stand (eg cracked tiles), and having never been forced to 'stay home' in HK, I've been very worried about how I would fare alone in quarantine. So it was terrifying but also quite exciting in the bus, and you could feel the anticipation on everyone's mind. We ended up at the Hilton hotel, and I'm SO grateful for the large space and crazy views of Waterfront and the Sarawak River. 

-to be continued-

*atm*