Dear jumjum...
My role in the football team is head cheerleader, and I am responsible for yelling encouragement from the bench to my teammates on the field. Occasionally, like in the last 5 minutes today, I get subbed in when a teammate is injured. We were confident that we could win the match this morning, but it was already the second half and we were still getting our asses handed to us. I don't know if it stemmed from the frustration that it was not a good day for most of my teammates, or my general frustration at life and its disappointments, but I was more aggressive than usual on the field. It was the first time that I managed to focus all my attention on the game, and I was so intent on getting the ball that I fell twice without knowing how I ended up on the ground, and on both occasions I picked myself right back up and charged straight for the ball. The second fall was more dramatic, and I remember a half-flip of some sort before grazing my right knee on the turf. Somehow, it was intensely satisfying to fall. Somewhere in my weirdo mind, it felt like the falls were the manifestation of the rejections that life threw at me. The people around me have been telling me that my recent setbacks aren't that bad and I should not take it so seriously; but that's not how I feel. To me, it IS a big deal. And tumbling in that field today was satisfying because it was as if Life finally came up to me, spat in my face and admitted that yes, the recent events suck indeed, and they hurt.
I am allowed to cry and feel disappointed, but before the game ends, I better peel myself off the ground and continue running.
*atm*
Sunday, February 5, 2017
Saturday, February 4, 2017
Radios
Dear jumjum...
Right before my flight back to HK from KL, my brother and I went to the bookstore for something to read on my 4 hour flight. My brother bought me All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr, which I thoroughly enjoyed on my journey. It is set in the 1940s, on the verge of World War II, and follows the lives of a blind French girl and a German orphan boy. The boy finds and repairs an old radio, and enjoys listening to all sorts of programs with his sister, most significantly one teaching science to children.
His interest in listening to the radio reminded me of one of my most expensive purchases in my childhood. When I was in primary school, I loved listening to the radio- not only because of the music, but because it made me feel like I was connected to the outside world. Sidetrack: this was when I was living in Kajang, not small town Kuching, so I don't understand why I felt like I wasn't part of the society, but so it was. However, I could only listen to the radio in the car, and so the choice of channels we listened to were subjected to mum's approval. This was also before I used the internet on the regular, so I didn't get music off the internet either.
When I was 10, I was waiting for my mum (doing her hair? I forget) at a mall. I was handed one of those promotional leaflets for Watson's pharmacy. It was close to Christmas and one of the items they were promoting was a Snoopy portable radio. It was grey aluminium, palm-sized, with a Snoopy illustration in the corner, costing RM30 or RM40. (I scoured the internet to find a picture, to no avail). I deliberated for awhile, then informed one of my siblings before I shot off to Watson's. On the way there, I remember worrying if the radio came with earphones as I had none. I was stoked to have my own radio and it seemed too good to be true that I doubted if it would work... Evidently, worthless worrying begun at a young age for me.
For whatever reason, I felt like my parents would disapprove of my purchase, so I hid it from my family members. I would listen to it when I couldn't sleep at night. It was a pain to find a strong radio signal but I loved it anyway. I don't remember if they ever found out about it, and I have no idea what happened to it..
*atm*
Right before my flight back to HK from KL, my brother and I went to the bookstore for something to read on my 4 hour flight. My brother bought me All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr, which I thoroughly enjoyed on my journey. It is set in the 1940s, on the verge of World War II, and follows the lives of a blind French girl and a German orphan boy. The boy finds and repairs an old radio, and enjoys listening to all sorts of programs with his sister, most significantly one teaching science to children.
His interest in listening to the radio reminded me of one of my most expensive purchases in my childhood. When I was in primary school, I loved listening to the radio- not only because of the music, but because it made me feel like I was connected to the outside world. Sidetrack: this was when I was living in Kajang, not small town Kuching, so I don't understand why I felt like I wasn't part of the society, but so it was. However, I could only listen to the radio in the car, and so the choice of channels we listened to were subjected to mum's approval. This was also before I used the internet on the regular, so I didn't get music off the internet either.
When I was 10, I was waiting for my mum (doing her hair? I forget) at a mall. I was handed one of those promotional leaflets for Watson's pharmacy. It was close to Christmas and one of the items they were promoting was a Snoopy portable radio. It was grey aluminium, palm-sized, with a Snoopy illustration in the corner, costing RM30 or RM40. (I scoured the internet to find a picture, to no avail). I deliberated for awhile, then informed one of my siblings before I shot off to Watson's. On the way there, I remember worrying if the radio came with earphones as I had none. I was stoked to have my own radio and it seemed too good to be true that I doubted if it would work... Evidently, worthless worrying begun at a young age for me.
For whatever reason, I felt like my parents would disapprove of my purchase, so I hid it from my family members. I would listen to it when I couldn't sleep at night. It was a pain to find a strong radio signal but I loved it anyway. I don't remember if they ever found out about it, and I have no idea what happened to it..
*atm*
About Cats
Dear jumjum...
I used to hate cats. I loathed the way they stare at you, all high and mighty-ly, as if you are an inferior being. I loathed it when I eat out by the roadside and a stray cat walks under the table and brushes against my bare legs. I suffer with the lingering bushy feeling and thoughts of contamination until I can finally soap and wash my legs.
Right before I left for uni, my brother Zac begin to have an affiliation for cats. When I met my first and closest friend in uni, I referred to her as Siao Ngiao or 'Crazy Cat' to my family. This is a little hard to explain. Basically, after a week or two of getting to know her, Patricia and I passed her validation period and she started to show her true colours. From a shy, quiet little Korean girl, she morphed into a dynamic, unpredictable, explosive girl who couldn't care less about anyone's opinion of her. And she was crazy about cats. She would meow in the lift if she felt like it (which is very often). She would also claw at us in public. When I first started calling her Siao Ngiao, we were summer roommates she overheard my conversation and asked if it meant 'roommate'!
Our first picture together (which she edited, of course)
Ms Cat couldn't care less that we were taking a group photo..
Thanks to the global cat epidemic, I started to pay attention to the flood of cat videos online, and tagged my crazed brother and friend in cat videos. I was unconscious to the gradual effect it had on me over the past 3 years until last December, when Zac dragged my dad and I to a cat cafe in Bangkok. Now, you have to understand that although I was quite unenthusiastic about going, I never refuse my baby brother anything. It was my first time patting cats and the eroded walls around my heart came crashing down. I liked the big cats down to the little kitties. I found their cold behaviour and fierce attitude in getting what they want quite endearing.
Zac: "So many cats to pat but only two hands..."
In January, I met Soba and I fell in love. She belonged to the family that my sister and brother rented rooms from in KL. Soba is the prettiest, most adorable cat (with the FLUFFIEST tail) I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. Soba is such a princess, she doesn't like to be stared at and the only way to lure her out was to turn our backs to her and ignore her. When she walks, she sort of hops at the same time, with her little butt in the air. She is super energetic. She lives to be adored by all: she identifies the person in the room who loves her least (Mum) and targets all her antics at her. When mum is alone in the kitchen with her, she meows for her attention. When I stayed with them, playing with her was our first priority every morning. Now that my siblings have moved out of that house, I doubt I will ever see Soba again, but the effect she had on me will be eternal!
♥
*atm*
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