dEaR jUmJuM...
Claire was brought up in a typical Chinese society. She was the youngest of five children- four girls and one boy. Her simple, carefree life came to a screeching halt when her mother passed away.
She was two years old. Too young to be stripped of a parent. Too young to understand the impact of the great change in her small little young life.
Her father was a burly man with hunching posture and thick, rough hands- a result from his job as a laborer. Mr Teh was a stiff and reclusive man who barely uttered a word, instead he mumbled and grunted in response to any friendly conversation.
Without a mother to run to, young Claire soon became the target of her siblings’ bully as she was the youngest and “dummest”.
“Look Claire! There’s a lizard on your bed!”
“Hahaha…Claire’s so ben. She doesn’t even know where the South China Sea is,”
“You better watch out, Claire, the boogey monsters are waiting for you in the toilet!”
Her siblings could not have known better as they didn’t have a strong disciplining hand nor did they have anyone to correct their ways. Mr Teh was always busy working to put food on the table. Even when he was home, he sat at the table reading the newspapers as if he did not have a care in the world. To Claire, a father is just a man who feeds you, clothes you, and puts a roof over your head. He frowns when you sing him a song. He merely grunts and bathes your wound when you are wailing your heart out after a fall. He doesn’t come to your rescue when you are bullied.
Three years later, Claire attended her first day of school. Her father dropped her off at the school gate, grunted, and cycled away. As she walked into the school compound, Claire noticed the kindergarteners all around her. Some were walking with their hands clasped firmly in their parents’ hands, some who were crying were being reassured by their parents, some were enthusiastically waving their parents goodbye. She felt even more awkward during recess when everyone’s parents came with packs and packs of food. She stared miserably down at her plain biscuits.
“Why didn’t you come into school with me today?”
Grunt.
“Why? Why didn’t you come during recess?”
Grunt. “I had to work.”
“Why don’t I have a mummy then?”
Grunt. Shuffle.
“Why don’t I have one?”
Shuffle.
“Why did she have to leave me? Tell me, tell me!”
“I don’t know!” Her father finally bellowed at her, slamming his fist on the table.
Claire was very shaken. Her father had never yelled at her before. She ran to her room, tears streaming endlessly down her red cheeks.
That was about twenty years ago. She had since studied her way to a scholarship, graduated, and now works at an established hospital in her hometown. She met a great guy who was willing to commit and they got married a few years later. All this while, Claire has faithfully been in contact with her father and siblings (who eventually grew up and made their peace with Claire), but she only stayed in contact with her father because he is, after all, her dad. But deep down inside, she still harbored a feeling of resentment towards him for being so cold.
“Frank, really. I don’t see the point in doing this. It’s just gonna end up all awkward,” Claire says to her husband.
“Darling, we’ve been through this. He’s your dad; come on,” replies Frank for the millionth time.
That day, Mr Teh was coming to visit his daughter, son-in-law and Hayley, their new-born baby girl. From the moment Hayley was born, Claire promised herself she would love her baby with all her heart, and she would show it and tell it to her, everyday. She reminded herself of her childhood and promised never to let Hayley go through anything like it.
Frank started chatting cheerfully away with Mr Teh (even though most of the response he got were grunts), while Claire went to bring her baby out. Claire watched her father’s thick, rough hands as they cradled the baby. At that moment, for the first time in her life, Claire saw her big, burly father cry.
“I’m…I’m s..sorry. She looks so much l..like you. A..and y..y..your m..mm..mum,”
Claire stood rooted to the ground, shocked, while her father took some time to wipe his tears. Finally, he lifted his head and looked her straight in the eye.
“Claire, I’ve been a bad father. I provided for you materially but I was never there for you emotionally…you, and your siblings too. The truth is I couldn’t cope with your mother’s death. You look so much like her…I just couldn’t bear to look at you without aching inside. Your mother was always so good with children, with everyone. I just am not. But I should have tried, I should have tried…Daddy loves you, Claire..”
Mr Teh felt his daughter’s arms around him for the first time in a long time, and felt her warm tears drenching his shirt. And that day, everything was forgiven.
Today, Mr Teh is going to see his daughter again.
He is, after all, her dad.
*atm*
