Jumjum returns!

Dear jumjum...

  While waiting for 10 mins incubation to go by for an experiment, I had a conversation with David today about what we do in our free time. He brought up sports, I talked about reading and guitar and then we both talked about the Youtube genres that are our weaknesses. After finally submitting something I put off for awhile, I was mulling over whether to start a new book tonight since I did not feel like working anymore but it is a bit too early for bed. Then it suddenly occurred to me that blogging never crossed my mind during our chat this afternoon- and for good reasons.

  Before university, writing was always at the back of my mind. I'd have a fleeting thought or an interesting moment and I would immediately go, 'oh I should write that down'. It certainly isn't like that anymore and I actually feel demotivated to write: I have a ton of half-written posts floating around in draft-space, possibly forever!

  It also occurred to me tonight that if this blog was my child, it would be 10 this year and attending primary 4! I am aware that that is a crazy metric for how long a virtual thing has existed, but it still blows my mind. I also remember the joy that reading these blog posts bring me and so I am determined to write and not let this child die!

  Perhaps we should start with David. David is the second undergraduate student that I guide in the lab. Crazy, right?! The first was Sarah, a final year student. When she showed me her FYP poster for my feedback it felt funny. Funny because it was only last year that I was preparing my FYP poster and yet, I didn't feel totally unqualified to comment on hers. It is the 5th year that I have been in HK, yet it doesn't feel like so long ago when we were freshmen. I must agree, however, that I have changed, most significantly in the past year. 

  The first year of MPhil has been...uncomfortable. I am still adjusting to not having concrete deadlines for most of my work, and I am finding out that I am quite the procrastinator when left to my own devices. For the first few months, surrounded by bright minds and hardworking bodies, I questioned if I was good enough for this. It is also hard to be here without the familiar faces of my gang, and all those Chinese 名句s we learnt about the sorrows of 物是人非 comes back in waves. 

  Being a hall tutor has definitely made its mark on my character. Since socialising is now my job, it is less daunting than it used to be. I also learned to relax when hosting floor events because the stress oozes out of you like a bad smell. It is kinda nice to hang around the young undergraduate folks who worry over midterms and projects- they remind me of a young me and I like to call them 'the kids' (although people have repeatedly reminded me that I was a 'kid' just last year and one or two of those 'kids' are actually the same age as me ;) ). Hall tutor perks aside, I'm glad that I convinced myself to try for the position, because I knew that it would help me grow. 

  Here's to the postgrad life ahead and (hopefully) blogging on the regular!

*jnatm*

Nighttime Dreams

Dear jumjum...

One of my recurring dreams is that my family has moved to a new house, and I'm there for the first time, already in the process of moving in. Our new houses are always huge and adventurable, with interesting layouts and multiple entries and exits to each room. I always enjoy the houses, and in my dream I'm like, "This is cool, but what were my parents thinking?!"

Among my favourites was a house with a floor-to-ceiling window spanning an entire side of the living room, and the window overlooked the sea. There were multiple islands in the vicinity, with people sunbathing and playing on the beach. The best part was...get this: the islands were floating islands, so at any time we could have different islands floating past our house! I remember spotting a particular one, telling my family that I've always wanted to go there, and considering if i could just open the window and jump across.

A few nights ago, my parents had purchased a castle. At least, I'm convinced it was a castle- it had a gold ballroom. Zac and I found the way to balcony, complete with fancy bannistors and flags, which overlooked the ballroom, and we were just leaning over and looking down. For the record, everytime I dream about Zac, he is always as he was at 8-10 years old- much shorter than me, roundish, with his kiddy voice and fair complexion, even though he overtook me in height about...4 years ago? It's as if in my head, I'll always see him as my little bro who needs to be taken care of. I wonder what a shrink's analysis will be...I told Val but she just laughed.

*atm*

The Before Trilogy

Dear jumjum...

For the past week I have been spending a lot of time on my own. I think it was contributed by the fact that I take 2 out of three of my classes alone. I mean, there are people I know in the class, but I never feel comfortable deliberately sitting next to mere acquaintances. In the third (Bio) class, the usual gang, save Eric, just isn't there- HJ is taking all Chem courses this semester, Chloe is on exchange, and Mel is recuperating. I've declined invitations to go out, probably because it was so busy back at home, and I just wanted to spend some time alone. As a result, I have caught up with all the series I follow, and have watched a significant amount of movies in between.

I came across Before Midnight from a list of top movies of all time. I only found out that it was the third movie in a trilogy while Wiki-ing it because I enjoyed the movie so much. All three movies follow a couple around as they stroll through different European cities and just talk...a lot. It sounds like a terrible idea for a movie but honestly, I have not enjoyed any movie this much since Pride and Prejudice (which, at last count, I have watched maybe 30 times. Honestly, and it never gets old). I enjoy their conversations about the most unconventional thoughts and opinions. I also like the verbal expression of feeling which I believe are common to most people. 

I found the script for one of the thoughts that resonate with me the most:

I will leave it there because I don't think my writing can do the movies justice. 

Patricia and I have come up with a silly movie idea about football matches in the mist. This, of course, started off because we were doing just that two weeks ago. It was a thriller about how one couldn't see what was happening at the other side of the field and suddenly out of the mist comes the shadow of a football that knocks one's face in slow motion, and their teeth flying out of one's mouth...

Anyway. Today, on the way to our last football match of the season, we were talking about how amazing the human mind is, how schizophreniacs can conjure and integrate their imagination with the real world (my reflection after watching A Beautiful Mind some time ago). We were toying with the idea of a movie about imagination-inception, and decided to combine it with our previous Misty Football Match idea, where when the mist clears, the person realises that there is actually no one there...

*atm*

Revolutionary Road and Me

Dear jumjum...

Revolutionary Road revolves around a couple in the mid-twentieth century. The wife is unsatisfied with her mundane life and believes that they are meant for something more, something better. The husband is a clueless man who really doesn't know how to deal with his wife, making a bad situation worse. Nothing extraordinary happens in this movie, but the dynamics of the couple is revealed through the flatness.

In their final fight, the wife refused to react to her husband's confession that he had an affair. She claimed that she feels nothing, that she doesn't care about him anymore. Her husband tried to force some emotion out of her, and she threatened him by screaming when he touched her. While watching that scene, I saw myself in her. I have the tendency to dramatise, I think I even like the drama. Especially when I feel wronged, I want to make the other party feel the way I feel, or feel anything as much as I do. 

I play the 'Victimized' card.

When we were kids, my sister and I would write short stories. Years later, we realised that we both steered towards writing stories of dramatic victimisation. The stories were usually about little orphan girls who were maltreated and friendless. Even the books we chose to read were so: Chinese Cinderella, When Marnie Was There, A Little Princess. I remember reading those stories and getting a kick out of how tragic their lives were. The more tragic, it seemed, the better. 

I worry..

*atm*

Single Awareness Day 2016

Dear jumjum...

For the past 2 years, the Jji jjis have had special outings during the horrible celebration known as Valentine's Day. In 2014, we had dinner in Jordan, then went dessert-shop hopping. In 2015 we booked a karaoke room and went for a Vietnamese dinner afterwards.

This year, we're so single that we don't even bother anymore. Not one of us even attempted to suggest that we do something. Patricia and I had a football match in the afternoon, and after that we dragged our exhausted selves to the supermarket to stock up on junk, and proceeded to spend the day watching movies and binge eating on our beds.

*atm*

Diam.

Dear jumjum...

Today in language class, we did a presentation to describe our sci-fi 'invention'. Melody and I despise language classes as a rule, and generally any class that counts participation as part of the grade.

However, this particular language instructor is pretty cool- she prepares interesting material for us to mull over and discuss and so every lesson is interesting. For once, I have actually picked up some presentation skills (gasp!), and I have immense respect for her.

As Mel and I were leaving the classroom, the instructor expressed that she was surprised that the pair of us can actually talk. Oh woman, you should see how we are in other classes, where we're not even attempting to speak out. She was like, 'Why are you guys usually so silent?!' Well, yes, we do speak- but to quote Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice (film, 2005)-

'Only when forced!'

*atm*

Sentimental?

Dear jumjum...

I recently started working on a summer project in a lab studying the zebrafish model, and I was jokingly asked if I 'communicate' with the fish. I answered that I will avoid 'befriending' the fish at all costs, lest at some point I need to kill them. I was then asked if I am i sentimental person.

Well.

I only answered with a simple yes, but it reminded me of an incident that made me realise for the first time how ridiculously sentimental I am.

When I was 4 or 5 years old, my dad brought my sister and I on a boat trip with his friends. My mum prepared a container of Jacob's biscuits for us in case we got hungry. I don't remember much about the trip, except what happened when we disembarked. It was nighttime, and my dad was telling me to watch my step while we got off the boat. In my concentration, I somehow let go of the food container in my hand- plop it went into the sea, and I frantically asked my dad to retrieve it. However, it was rapidly carried away by the currents, and I watched it float into the darkness. I still remember that it had a purple cover with a clear plastic bottom. I was inconsolable.

I felt sad because my mum had caringly prepared it for us, and I had so carelessly lost it. To me it was as if I let my mum's act of love go to waste. Yes, I am aware that it sounds ridiculous, as I was aware of it at the time, but I was still upset. Dad and his friend tried to comfort me by saying that some poor kampung boy in need of a container might find it and treasure it.

.....and that far-fetched idea actually did make me feel better! XD

*atm*

In view of my previous post...

Know Yourself

Dear jumjum...

  FB has been all abuzz with this new...err..test? that helps you find out your work-related personality and motivations. https://www.talentoday.com Everybody has been sharing their results. Lemme tell you, the list of questions are LONG. I nearly gave up halfway. And I think while taking the test and seeing your own preferences, you can already get a rough affirmation of who you think you are.

  I work best under competition and stress! Any so does my neighbour, so she's been coming over to my (half empty since my illegal roommate has been found out and evicted) room to study together.

Real time picture!

  I always knew I wasn't much of a leader so that doesn't bother me much. But especially this term, I've been feeling very frustrated with myself for being overly self-conscious. It has been affecting my ability to speak in public, I get too distracted about how I am perceived and do not focus on the topic at hand. It has even been holding me back during soccer practice! I know I'm a new member and I suck compared to the others, but my constantly thinking about it and fear of embarrassment has made my performance even poorer since I don't go all out and get the ball! 

  I also don't like asking questions in class or emailing professors to request something because I feel like I'm putting myself out there. When I have to, I usually put it off til the last minute. And that is one of the reasons why I volunteered to be secretary for this year's iGEM, since I have to send emails to my peers, seniors, advisors and professor on a regular basis. It also forces me to take the initiative and communicate with the senior members. (I never ever dared talked to them before this) When I first started out I was very wary of sending emails, checking them multiple times before having the courage to click 'send', but I think I'm getting over it =) Have an important solo presentation on Monday which will be graded- planning to forget about all the smarty-pants who will be present and kill it!

*atm*

"When are you planning to get married?!"

Dear jumjum...

  I never knew that my family was unaware of the fact that I wish to stay in school for as long as possible, meaning I would want to get my PhD if I can (chances are looking pretty slim as of now). Double majoring has never crossed my mind before, as I always believed that I would only study the subject I enjoy, and hands down, that's Biology. 

  Lately my friends have been talking about minoring in this, double majoring in that; and in training to join a certain competition I realised how beneficial it is to have broad knowledge of the different fields in science if I plan to have a career in research. One of my friends have influenced me to minor in computer science, which she thinks I will enjoy based on our brief experience together. Those who know me know that I am a complete computer noob who types at snail's pace and would rather write her notes on paper. I never saw myself willingly doing any sort of computer course- but now I am seriously considering it. 

  Recently, I voiced my thoughts to my parents over a video call. Dad took it calmly and sensibly but Mum's reaction was one of absolute horror. She was like, "Why do you want to stress yourself out? Are you sure you can handle it?" LOL! She's so cute. Whenever I talk to her and mention any stress or hardship- however small, her reply is always the same- "Come back and study in Swinburne, la. You'll have a car to drive and cooked food on the table." Now, I consider my mum a moderately modern-thinking woman but when I told them about options for doing my postgraduate studies she exploded in "Huh? How many years will that be? When are you planning to get married?!!!!"

  Oh dear.

*atm*
  

Letter To The Future You

Dear jumjum...

  Today my friend and I picked up our society note pads, and we had some time before our next class. So I got her and another friend to write letters to our future selves- to the us four years later, upon graduation. Certainly not my own idea, must have read it from somewhere and I'm sure many people have done it before. We dismissed the idea of putting it in a bottle and burying it though- we'd probably forget where it was or someone might discover it and read them *gasp!*

  The European girl focused on the stuff now, that she wants herself to remember. The Korean wrote about the goals she set for herself in these four years. Mine was basically about everything I imagine the 23-year-old me would be and my expectations. We said we should exchange and keep the letters for each other so we won't be tempted to read it before graduation- but I'm at a disadvantage here. The European wrote her letter in Dutch, and the Korean in Korean...and mine was in English! Hahaha. Although I doubt they will be as evil as to open it up and read it...

  I think it's a fun thing to do. You get to see how your priorities and perspectives have changed, and how far the reality differed from your expectations =) Who knows? Four years later I just might blog about it!

*atm*

My favourite female author

Dear jumjum...

  I'm not like Z and V who enjoys the books my father reads about lawyers and crimes and the mafia... I once tried reading a book about Lee Kuan Yew and was bored to death, except for the part about how he met and courted his late wife. I'm the dumb one who reads mostly chick lits, but lately I've grown really sick of them. Perhaps because I've read too many of them or because I've just grown out of them. Anyway the books I really do enjoy currently are those by international best-selling author Cecelia Ahern...but I'm not really sure if her books fall into the chick lit category, they probably do, but in like, upper-class chick lit.

  Okay so about Cecelia- she is the daughter of the former prime minister of Ireland, Bertie Ahern. She used to be in an Irish pop group! This is news to me. She obtained a degree in journalism and media communications. Besides writing novels, she also created and produced the ABC comedy Samantha Who? and she has a daughter and a son with her partner. Also, I just found out that her sister married one of the Westlife guys.






  I just finished reading one of her latest, The Time of My Life and I think it's one of her best. Most of Cecelia's books are erm...fictional? I don't like using that word to describe it but I can't think of anything else. It's fictional in a very beautiful way. Like a fairy tale without the fairies and elves. Hahaha. This sounds ridiculous. For example, Thanks For the Memories revolves around the idea that the recipient of a blood transfusion also receives the memories of the blood donor. A Place Called Here is about a young detective who is obsessed with finding missing things and missing persons, and one day she herself goes missing and she ends up in the place where all missing things go. The Gift is about a career-obsessed man who is running out of time but doesn't know it. He meets a homeless man (after finishing the book I conclude the man is something like his guardian angel) who gives him the ability to be in two places at once so that he doesn't have to choose between his job and family during the last days of his life. 

  It sounds so cheesy when I summarise the stories like that but like I said before, it is written in a really beautiful and realistic way. They're the kind of stories that make you really think about it after you finish it. 

  Not all of her novels are fictional- Where Rainbows End is one of my favourites, and she tells the entire story (save the last chapter) by notes, letters, cards and emails between two childhood friends and their loved ones and not a single dialogue or desciption, and I think that is totally amazing! P.S. I Love You is her debut and most popular novel about a woman who loses the love of her life to cancer, and on her birthday she finds a bundle of notes from him, gently guiding her into her new life without him, each signed ‘PS, I Love You’. Oh yes, it was also made into a movie! It was the first of her books that I read in 2008, introduced and lent to my sister by her friend. The reason I don't own that book is because I cried again and again throughout the book, and so I alwas prefer to buy her new books than buy one that I already read and cried buckets over. But it's been so long since I read it- I think I'm gonna get it the next time I see it. 

  Anyway I highly, highly recommend her books to anyone who is as eng as me now. Just let me know and I can lend it to you anytime =) Also, I have the entire Shopaholic series by Sophie Kinsella and some of her other books, all ten of The Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot and some other random chick lits to lend. 

  Find all of her books here: http://uk.cecelia-ahern.com/books/

*atm*

Songs with Memories

Dear jumjum...

 All my life I have unintentionally associated songs with memories and I'm sure that I'm not the only one. It's pretty cool how listening to an old song can stir up the exact memory and feeling and emotions you had and felt at that certain point in life.

  When we were living in Kajang, Selangor, my dad used to help my mum sweep and mop the floor every Saturday morning and I remember waking up to the tunes of the Bee Gees and Air Supply blasting downstairs and my dad singing along and I would be so excited that the weekend has started and that my dad didn't need to go to work for the next two days. 

  During one of our trips back to Kuching before we moved back, my sister, mum and I, influenced by my late grandmother, were obsessed over this chinese drama series 偷龙转凤, and we would all huddle near the tevlevision set after dinner. It was also the time when I leant to sing 逃亡- I don't remember if that was the theme song or our cousin just happened to play it all the time, but I always associate that song to that series. Also, I believe that was the first chinese song that I learnt the full lyrics to too.

  For our primary 6 graduation ceremony, my friend and I performed Now and Forever by Richard Marx and then we also sang 隐形的翅膀 together with the other class. I remember how excited I was to be finally graduating and no longer going to 'kid-school', and how I couldn't wait to join my sister in sceondary school.

  I also remember singing Teenagers by My Chemical Romance back and forth together with Edric in form 1. We used to compete to see who could sing it the fastest and with the most vehemently lol! 

  Song of the year in form 2 was Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis. I used to sing it all day, everyday- I would put my phone in the shower cap hanging on the door so I could sing while bathing. And because of that, every time the song came on in the car my mum used to joke and sing 'Keep bathing, keep keep bathing' instead of bleeding xD

  Form 3 post-PMR song was the Black Eyed Peas' I Got A Feeling and it was SO appropriate since it's a very club-dancing, upbeat sort of song that described our mood at that time so very well.

  If We Ever Meet Again by Timberland ft Katy Perry reminds me of form 4 when I had a crush on a senior, and we were in the midst of organising prefects' dinner and Freda and I were also preparing for the science show competition. I remember just feeling really busy but contented. 

  Just before SPM I was learning to play Allegro op. 50 no. 1 on my guitar and it was a time when everything was crazy with exam stress, sadness of leaving secondary school and all the conflicts that were going on and I remember not being able to sleep, I would pick up my guitar and practice as softly as I could to vent my frustrations. And even now whenever I play that song it sounds even more violent than it should...

  
  I generally do not listen to Korean songs as a rule, but thanks to my crazy friends everytime I hear Big Bang's Fantastic Baby I think of our time in A Levels. Ahhh. And the boys surrounding MiaoMiao and serenating her during our first field trip...

  Last year when I was watching Pitch Perfect I was so happy to hear No Diggity again! I remember listening to that song sometime in my childhood and I really liked the beat but had no idea what it was called or what they were rapping about...

*atm*

In the Car

Dear jumjum...

  First day of my new temporary job! Wasn't really what I expected...but not gonna blog about it until after my last day. Pretty tired, so just a short and radom post...

  Here's the thing. I like to sing aloud especially when I'm alone in the car, cause my radio is always on and nobody else can hear me, but recently I realised how ridiculous I must look if people happen to notice me xD 

  I'm sure I'm not alone on this but ever since I started driving and noticing other drivers, I have never seen anyone sing alone in the car before and I can't believe it! I do remember though, that my aunty used to send me to primary school while saying her morning prayers in the car, and she told me she does it every morning and says it out loud even if she's driving alone, and she's seen some people look at her like a lunatic who's mumbling to herself! xD 

  So yea...if you happen to see me on the road, alone in my car with my lips moving, please excuse the singing.

*atm*

Updating Mah Diary!

dEaR jUmJuM...

Over my 17 years, I kept countless of diaries at certain intervals of my life. Where are they now? Destroyed.

The thing about diaries (particularly those written at a young age) is that when you read what you wrote, you cringe and be like, "Shucks. Did I really write that??" And you feel so embarrassed that you tear the page out and throw it away. I remember being a fussy and spoilt brat at the age of 5. I wrote something like this:

"Worst birthday ever! Cant I be happy? I bet my next birthdays would be like this too. Tick if these birthdays sucked:-

age 6 ( )

age7 ( )

age 8 ( )...."

Hahaha. I clearly remember writing that on the floor, near the staircase in my old house. But I cant find it anymore =( Must have thrown it away at some point.

So anyway. The only diary I have right now is one started in Primary 5. When I

read the things I wrote, it still disgusts me. Cant believe how naive and simple-minded I once was...

But still, I think everyone should keep a diary, to keep track of yourself. Reading what you wrote is like reading a familiar story, and you re-live the memorable events again. Currently trying to update what happened in my last two years....so much! Gonna need a new book soon..... =)

*atm*

Pride and Prejudice

dEaR jUmJuM...

A few days ago Val manhandled me in front of her screen to watch Pride and Prejudice. I didn’t want to cause it sounded boring but oh my days I loved it so much I’ve watched it twice more since!

I find it really cool the way Elizabeth and Darcy shoot arguments at and insult each other, much like debate. And the pretty girls and their little actions make it all the more interesting. But most of all Mr Darcy captivates me. His character! (Though it did help that the actor was SO cute!)

And well, I think I have set my mind of what kind of guy I’ll fall in love with. Someone like Darcy who, seems cold and cool but is actually just shy. A guy who is super loyal, and rarely shows his emotions- except to the girl he loves, to whom he simply SHOWERS with affection. And spoils her! Hmm. Yeah, I’d definitely settle for a Mr Darcy!

*atm*

Why go tuition in November

dEaR jUmJuM...

In answer to Ele Jong's question:

So today I went to PBK for tuition and surprise, surprise- only 4 people went. Ele said something is very wrong with me...

Well I guess so. The thing with me is that I cant stay in the house for too long- I get claustrophobic. If I stay at home the whole day, I get really really agitated and snappy and if I'm still stuck at home the next day, I go literally crazy!! I just need to go out and BE with lots of people and SEE lots of people.

Which is why I cant be a housewife in future. I'll kill my kids! And if I get house-arrested like Aung Suu Kyi, I'll D.I.E.

Seriously.

*atm*

I'm a Half-half

dEaR jUmJuM...

I realised that I'm a Half-half. I can't really describe myself using the normal adjectives like hardworking, neat, nor lazy or messy. Because I'm a bit of both. For instance-

I cant say I'm sociable, because although I like meeting new people and stuff, I'm normally the kind of girl who sits quietly in the corner and waits for people to approach her. Then again I'm not anti-social, because I'm really loud and talkative when I'm with my kind of crazy friends.

Sometimes I can't stand messy places, i.e Freda Chen's messy table at school, to the point where I'm willing to help her clear it up. And yet, I can't say I'm neat because even though the desk in my room is usually clean, there's mounds of clothing and books everywhere else!

I can't sing very well but can do a good rendition of Mulan's Reflections.

It takes a lot for me to get angry but when I do.......

I like doodling but it doesn't mean I'm good at art.

I can be very tolerant unless Zac starts slurping when he eats.

So you see? Adjectives don't stick with me. Except- I'm WEIRD!

=)

*atm*